by Kelsey Smith
Home: the place where one lives permanently.
I am learning that this simple definition has so much depth to it. Have you ever felt as if you were not where you should be? Or that you just were not home yet? Have you ever questioned if you are actually where you’re “supposed” to be? I ask myself these things too. I question if I am where God has intended for me to be. I constantly wonder if I should be elsewhere doing other things. Better things. A lot of times I feel that I have more to offer than sitting behind a computer screen all day. What about the people who need help in other countries? What about the hurricane victims or refugees? I could be helping them. I could be THERE. I could use my talents and abilities to help others in such special ways but here I am, sitting in a cube day in and day out wondering constantly what else I could be doing to benefit the world. Is this all there is to my life? I think the word “permanently” in that definition of home is what scares me the most. There are a lot of big decisions that come with finding your “home.” Will this forever be my so called “home?” I mean, don’t get me wrong, Duluth, GA is cool and all but is this where I am going to settle down for the rest of my life??? What if I want to travel and see the world? There’s so many other places to explore. So many states I’ve never been to. How could I settle in one single place, with one single home and one single job for the rest of my life? I mean, for goodness sake, I’ve only visited 6 states in the US and there are 50! How can I just choose 1 if I’ve only been to 6?! AND THERE ARE 50. Not to mention the rest of the countries I’ve never been to.
All of the questions that haunt me daily. They drive my motivation to not be content where I am. To want more for myself. To see my worth. How could I ever settle until I know that I’ve seen it all and helped all that I could help and done all that I could do?
I have learned a lot during this past year and a half. I have learned that life is short, Family is so very important and moving away from Family is extremely difficult. I have never felt more alone in my life than when I moved away from everyone who understood me. But, had I not moved away, I wouldn't have learned these things. There’s a reason for everything. I have learned that God isn’t a puppet master and that we have choices and decisions. We can decide where we want to move, where we want to live, who we associate ourselves with and where we work. We can decide where we call home and who we want to marry and live there with. In the end, God will use wherever we are and whatever we choose for His glory. There’s a sense of comfort in knowing that I get to choose. It keeps me on my toes and it keeps me longing for more. I don’t think I’m “home” yet. But then again, I don’t think I’ll ever feel fully at home until I’m in heaven with the one who created me. I think I’ll always have a type of homesickness and discontentment that will never be satisfied no matter how many places I see or how many people I know.
“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” C.S. Lewis.
This quote says it best. I was made for heaven. So until I get there, I will follow my calling here on earth. I will strive to be the best person I can be and never settle for less. I will know my worth. I will live for others and fight for what is right. I will choose to be a light in the darkest places. Until I can call Heaven my Home.
Kelsey is a wife and a dog-mom living in Georgia. She loves the Lord and enjoys serving at and attending Passion City church any time the doors are open. She loves serving others, eating cake and taking naps.