by Brooke Heberling
My past is looming, like a stain upon the floor…
My thoughts are with the stain, but my hand is on the door.
Hesitantly waiting for my ED to say “Move on,”
Then understanding fully that with this disease, all logic is gone.
So I turn the knob slowly, saying goodbye to the stain,
Scared to death of the hallway leading me away from my pain…
I know where it leads me, to the truth and the light,
An existence and happiness that has plagued me and I have avoided all my life.
But I take the first step, one foot in front of the other, slowly
Stepping away from the stain into a life that is holy.
A life of laughter, a life that is free…
One that I can be proud of and finally live as me.
A Journey filled with ups and downs,
One with sadness, love, and hope,
A Journey that has rocky roads, yet I don’t use food to cope.
A testimony of faith where God is in control,
One where people know the real me, from the surface to my soul.
Funny how hard it has been to walk away from the stain…
The one thing that has tainted my life has kept me stuck in vain.
Blessed am I that I have finally chosen to fight,
To take the road of recovery, even with no end in sight.
Now I walk with hope, hope for the road ahead,
God’s grace and love have saved me from living a life of dread.
My steps are growing stronger, my stride is picking up pace,
Not to win a trophy or win a stupid race.
No, this time it is different- I am moving forward to sit,
Feel emotions, be present, and to not turn away from all of it.
The stain may always be there, a reminder of my past,
But it won’t control my future, because in my life it will not last.
This room served me well, but it is time to close the door,
My heart belongs to Jesus, not the stain upon the floor.